Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
