she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
