Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
