I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I could fuck to npr.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
