I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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