I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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