If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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