he wants to bone in the snuggie
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
