No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
