Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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