I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
