its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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