I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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