you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
