I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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