so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
