My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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