New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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