Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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