I'm going to jail i love you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
