We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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