So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
