That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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