remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i love accidental penises.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
