im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
