who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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