and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
