Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
