Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
