you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
