I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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