I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
