Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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