I need to stop coming to work sober
so let's talk penis.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
