her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
