I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
