Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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