I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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