The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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