Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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