i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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