Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
