i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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