His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
