she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
