i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
