So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
