i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
