I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
