perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
